Take Nothing Personally: The Gift of the Second Agreement

Taking Nothing Personally

Have you ever met someone you liked, gotten to know them, had an amazing connection with them, and then out of nowhere, they vanished into thin air? No contact, no reply, they just became a “ghost”.

Some people actually refer to this as getting “ghosted”, and it can feel horrible. In fact, this can be one of the most frustrating, hurtful, and confusing experiences.

Being “ghosted” tugs at our need to be liked, and hits on the nerve of not wanting to be rejected.

However, it also can be one of the greatest opportunities to practice the skill of not taking things personally. The Gift...
The gift of the second of the Four Agreements (don Miguel Ruiz), is bringing into awareness the reality that nothing is personal. Literally, nothing is personal.

We are conditioned to take things personally. We begin to learn to take responsibility for other people’s emotions in subtle everyday language (refer to the first agreement on being impeccable with your word). In relationships, people say things like, “you make me feel” such and such, and we are often pathologized by others when their needs are not met by us. Over time, we internalize a sense of over-responsibility for others’ feelings, thoughts, and even actions.

Most people especially take rejection COMPLETELY personally, and are left feeling confused, sad, hurt, and even used. It seems like the common thread that all people experience when getting rejected, is a feeling of not being enough.

Self Blame

Over the 18 years that I've been counseling and coaching young girls and women, I have observed that the most common emotional reaction to rejection is self-blame. Most people immediately collapse into thinking rejection is their own fault.

Well, I’m here to shine light on this false programming for you RIGHT NOW! The key is to choose to be more aware that nothing is personal. Other people's’ opinions about you have less to do with you, and more to do with them. In fact, whatever others think, feel, or say about you isn't even about you at all.

We are ALL acting out our own dramas and stories, often very unconsciously. It simply isn't true that you weren't good enough, or something was wrong with you. So the next time something like this happens to you:
Having compassion is key Have compassion for the part of you that wants to make sense of someone else’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors by blaming yourself. Remember that you do NOT have to agree to that.

Lean into the confused emotion, and choose to show up for yourself with love and compassion. Claim your worthiness, and choose to stop taking things personally. You have the ability to stop unnecessary suffering simply by refusing to take anything personally, even the voice in your own head!

Challenge yourself to take nothing personally. Practice bringing your attention to this every day. Live this principle, and experience internal freedom and peace.

Written by: Dr. Amy Moore

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This article was originally published on The Teen Mentor